What does it all mean?

I'm wondering what makes us want to talk to the world this way?  Most of the people who will read this won't know the first thing about who I am, what my life is like, all that jazz.  So why would I want to have this intimate conversation with complete strangers?

There's this question we all face at some time, if we're perceptive enough to realize what's going on in our own heads: are we really the star of our own internal docudrama?  Or are we just another extra trying to get across the screen without messing up the movie?  So, again, what makes someone want to spill their guts online to total strangers?

Pixelated, yo

Benadryl Dreams

I dreamed a dream of people past, and wondered at the significance ... until I realized there was none and never had been.  What a relief.

I dreamed the guy I was hott for all through junior high asked me to marry him, and I said yes but not yet because it would hurt the guy I had dated in high school who was the best friend of the guy I was hott for.  I woke up wondering what my husband would think of all this, what it said about my unconscious desires, whether I was faithful.  I realized it didn't matter.

I will always be curious about the nature of time.  The nature of choices.  The what-ifs of a life well experienced.  Curiosity does not mean infidelity.

Palm readers say that the left hand is what we're born with, the right what we'll choose.  The point?  We have the things we choose to have.  Not the things that are fated.  Not the things we've left behind.  We don't have the what-ifs.

The dream flashed to another, where I was heading home to my husband, the one in real life, crossing a series of train tracks, dodging moving trains.  Yes, I would dodge moving trains to be with my husband, because I know most of the what-ifs.  They're depressingly bad, even when you don't compare them to what I've got.